She Cried... Am I guilty?

The semester two has started for weeks. Every morning, when I am about to go to university, I feel disappointed. There are shuttle buses that will bring us there but, no matter how early I am, I'll never get a chance to get up the bus. Guess why? Thanks to those who jumped queue and by-force-to-go-up. I can't stand them, I took the public bus. Everyday. Not that I am weak, but I don't want to be like them. If I'm like them, is it possible that I'm unable to get into the bus? You know!

Last week, one of my friend started to be the human-traffic police. He made them line up. It was a success. But only for the trip that he is in. After that, chaos again. I don't wish to be bad-people again so I did nothing before him, until now. I took part in becoming the human-traffic police. It was a success for a long time. Until today.

Here comes a stubborn girl (girls are really the toughest to handle). "Please line up at the back," I said. "I cannot talk to my friend for a while ar?" she replied rudely and walked away, back into the line. There were more people jumping queue again. Same thing I told to them and I felt weak. "Where are them?", I questioned myself while searching for them. Those other human-traffic policemen aren't giving me their hand. For no reason. They just stood aside, pretending not to see anything. They just feel it's fine, as long as they can get up to the bus they desired. That's all they want. Others? Forget about it.

I felt disappointed. One more girl jumped queue. Again, the same phrase. She stood still. "Miss, please go to the back and line up. It's not fair for those people at the back this way." She move away, a step further from me. I got a little impatient. "Do you know why we made you all line up? Because there were people who were injured by others who jump queue! We don't want that to happen anymore. Just look into other people's eyes and see what they say about you." I walked back to my place. She was still there, reluctant to move.

A short while later, the bus came. We went up accordingly. Except her. She stood there, crying. I don't really care much at that time. I just got into the bus. She later on followed. Tears were still rolling at that very moment. I started to question myself. "Am I too much?" "Did I do the wrong thing for being such KPC?" I remembered back the moment where she walked a step away from me. "Oh... Is it that she's telling me, using her body language, that she'll leave the place after I leave her?". If it is so, then I misunderstood her. She might just need some time to cool herself down before moving away but I just kept on lecturing her that time. I did not make it too much. Really. Come and think of it, what did you learn during kindergarden, primary school? Lining up is the thing that they emphasise on.

If you move away from there I wouldn't have speak anything else. Why you didn't leave that place? Why? I don't understand? Is it that you stubborn or you already felt too ashamed to move from there? If it was the latter, my fault it is. I'm sorry. If it was the previous, you're wrong. Anyhow, I still conclude that you are wrong. We, should LINE UP! Everyone wants to get to university early. Isn't it? Why others can line up while you can't? Why....? I just don't get it.

Now... what I shall do tomorrow? Apology? I won't. Should I still become the human-traffic police? I don't know. I'll let my instinct decide it tomorrow. God bless everybody. May the morality in them grow stronger from day to day. Malaysia, you are really really really sucky in educating your children! Very bad! You only want quantity not quality. YOU FAILED!

At that moment that people saw her crying, who would understand what I felt? I'm not being a gentleman for making her cried? People only pity to those who's with tears. Who would pity someone without tears hanging around his/her eyes? No one ever would. No one. It's pathetic. Now, I am the bad-people again. Never ending cycle... "Somebody sa............"